Mega Gear Cyri
by Kaosu Reido
Summary: Megaman X? Metal Gear Solid? Who writes this crap? ...oh yeah. Me. Damn. Anyway! Zero must go to Alaska to stop an EVIL plot! And to pick up cheese on the way home! EVIL!
1. Chocolate and Bunnies

Legal Crap: Everything Owned By Whoever It's Owned By.  
  
Metal Gear Solid and related material owned by Konami.  
Megaman and related material owned by Capcom.  
Lei owned by Steph.  
Elysia owned by Crow, Darkness Nest Inc.  
Anything else owned by whoever.  
  


Mega Gear Cyri X

Tactical Bishounen Action

By Crow CHAPTER ONE 

Chocolate and Bunnies

            It had been a wet evening. The clouds hung low in the sky; rain had poured not long ago, and was likely to fall once more soon.

            In a stout, unassuming building, however, rain was the least of the world's worries.

            "ZERO!"

            The tall, lanky blond reploid almost jumped at the sound of metal slamming against metal. He forced his attention back to the task at hand.

            "Er…yeah?"

            "Zero…" The speaker was a Reploid who towered above most others. Known simply as "Colonel", he was currently the leader of the New RepliForce. Rumors abounded that he was a resurrected Colonel from the ages old RepliWars, but Zero didn't give a rat's ass. He had quit the Maverick Hunters years ago; now he had other goals. But, it seemed that someone always pulled him back in… Suddenly, Zero realized Colonel was speaking again.

            "…and so, that's why… Zero, did you hear a single word I said?"

            A cat's cradle was stretched in the red one's hands. "Yeah. Blah blah blah, stolen weapon of mass destruction, yadda yadda, huge ransom, yak yak yak, pick up cheese on the way home."

            Zero soon found himself with his hands tied behind his back. The two guard robots left as quickly as they'd entered, and Colonel resumed.

            "Now then. Zero… Zero Zero…"

            "Zero Zero Zero SPIT IT THE HELL OUT."

            The Colonel sighed. This would be…difficult.

            "Zero. We need your aid here. We NEED this weapon returned at all costs."

            "Or what, Sigma'll return AGAIN? Get a fucking handgun; watch your own asses."

            "Look, Zero. You don't have a choice in the matter."

            The crimson one blinked, a lock of blonde falling into his eyes. "Come again?"

            The Colonel shook his head, then waved his hand at a mirror. Soon, a short, thin woman walked in. Her short brown hair fell almost to her eyes, and her outfit left…very little to the imagination.

            "Zero, this is Lei. She'll explain what's going on, and why we need your help. At ANY cost." His eyes narrowed. "AND why you can't refuse."

            Lei glanced at Zero, then smacked him senseless with her clipboard when he stuck his tongue out.

            "Quiet, infidel."

            Zero shook his head to stop the birdies, and glared at her. "I didn't say anything!"

            Lei smacked him upside the head again. "You just did."

            While the little men in Zero's head started trying to put his brain back in order, Lei sat on a chair next to the Colonel, crossing her legs.

            "Now then. What we have here is what people in the know, like myself, call 'a really big fucking deal'." She uncrossed her legs and clicked her heels together as she stood. She walked over to Zero and yanked his head back by the ponytail. "And you're the one who's going to FIX it."

            He yelped. "Hey! Get off the hair!"

            And Lei let him go, letting him snap his head forward as he suddenly had to stop pulling. "You might have noticed that we've removed your armor and weapons."

            If he'd had a free hand, Zero would've been rubbing his braid. As it was, he glanced over his shoulder at her. "Yeah. Why?"

            She shrugged. If she cared any for his discomfort, she didn't show it. "Because we felt like it. Besides, they would've been detected by sensors."

            "WHAT sensors?"

            "The ones in Alaska. That's where you're going."

            A bewildered look crossed Zero face. "Why?"

            Lei sighed and looked at him as though he was an abnormally stupid child. "Because, you idiot, that's where the Zero Unit is."

            The Zero Unit. Zero's old unit. He used to lead it, before he died about 5 times. Then he quit. So, what did THEY have to do with this…?

            Noticing that she seemed to be out of his knowledge, Lei kicked Zero's shin. "Keep listening, you dipshit." She ignored Zero's cry of pain as she got her notes in order. "Twenty four hours ago, we received a transmission from our Alaskan Training Facility. Colonel?"

            There wasn't a reply.

            After a minute, she turned around. "Colonel?"

            He wasn't even in the room.

            Soon, however, he walked back in. In his hand was a cup of coffee; on his cheek, the mark of lipstick.

            "…What?"

            Zero winced and turned his head; Lei was beating the shit out of the Colonel already.

            Soon enough, it was over. The Colonel managed to stumble into a chair, his head spinning wildly. And Lei was calmly standing by Zero again.

            "My head… Anyway… Zero, recently the Zero Unit seems to have gone terrorist. They've threatened to release a highly concentrated and purified form of the Maverick Virus, should they not receive $5,000,000,000 and the body of Dr. Albert Wily within 72 hours."

            Zero just stared at him. "…And…?"

            Lei sighed, and then kicked him. "You idiot. Do you WANT to be a Maverick?"

            He just grinned up at her. "How do you know I'm NOT?"

            She sighed and bitchslapped him. "Well, the fact that you haven't killed anyone in weeks helps."

            "Oh yeah… There IS that…"

            The Colonel cut in. "Zero, your equipment won't be returned until you aid us. Also, if you don't help us, there's a chance Iris might get loose…"

            He gulped, and his eyes bugged. "Ok! Ok, I'll help!"

            A week later, a plane flew over Alaska. Zero was sitting inside of it, second-guessing his situation.

            "Well, Iris wouldn't be THAT bad… Probably better than getting killed here…"

            He squirmed a bit. "Colonel, do I HAVE to be in this?"

            His superior turned back and studied Zero for a moment, done up like a chocolate Easter bunny in a large basket. "Yes. Intelligence informs us that the enemy has a thing for sweets."

            "Why does that not comfort me?"

            Lei glanced back at him from her seat next to the Colonel. "Look, you bumbling dolt, just get the job done, and shut up before I tear out your circuit boards."

            When this only made Zero stick his tongue out in response, she beaned him with her clipboard.

            "Hey Bill-02."

            "ey, Bob-61."

            "Kinda cold here, huh?"

            "Yep."

            "So, job treatin' ya well?"

            "Basically. How 'bout you?"

            "Walking along walls, shooting at thin air every few minutes? Can't complain."

            "Any word from the boss?"

            "Nope. Oh, hold on."

            Bill stepped to the edge of the catwalk he was standing on. And as Bob watched thoughtfully, the moon's light glinted off an object in the distance.

            BLAM!

            "Hah! Snowbunny! Fifty points!"

            "Snowbunny? Looked more like a snowman." The Sniper Joe known as Bob-61 slowly shook his cycloptic head. "You set that up earlier, didn't you?"

            Bill-02 did his best to feign disbelief. "Bob-61! How dare you suggest that! Why, I'm a CRACKSHOT! Why would I need to create fake targets?"

            "Because you're made from old Atari 2600s?"

            "WHY YOU…!"

            Were the two sentries more serious about their assigned tasks, they might have noticed the strange package being dropped onto the tundra. As it was, it didn't matter in the end; the basket smashed through some thin ice, and ended up in the freezing sea surrounding the compound.

            And inside the chocolate bunny in said basket, Zero was trying to keep his hair from freezing and breaking off.

            Our crimson hero screamed loudly, sitting bolt upright in bed.

            "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH-oh. It was a dream." Zero blinked a few times, and stepped out of bed. "Whew…just a dream."

            And then he woke up, realizing he was laying face down on an underground dock, covered in melted chocolate.

            "…fuck."

~End Chapter 1~


	2. Hail To Bob!

Legal Crap: Everything Owned By Whoever It's Owned By.  
  
Metal Gear Solid and related material owned by Konami.  
Megaman and related material owned by Capcom.  
Lei owned by Steph.  
Elysia owned by Crow, Darkness Nest Inc.  
Anything else owned by whoever.  
  


Mega Gear Cyri X

Tactical Bishounen Action

By Crow CHAPTER TWO 

Hail To Bob

            Zero dived into the icy water, furiously washing chocolate from his golden locks. Later that week, Arctic fish were seen migrating towards the nearest Chocoholics Anonymous meetings.

            The soaked, freezing reploid once more crawled from his icy prison, but this time with a goofy, maniacal grin; he'd beaten the chocolate bunny, and his hair was clean. But he suddenly noticed a commotion nearby.

            "Keep an eye on this area. Two Sniper Joes said they may've witnessed a falling Easter Basket. That damn rabbit has foiled our plans many times in the past; see that he's filled more full of holes than most action movie plots!" Sounded like a British man…

            "Yes, sir."

            "Very good. I've got to go…you know…"

            "Play with your dolls, sir?"

            "Ye-NO, YOU FOOL! Oh, go to Hell."

            Zero watched in slight amusement as a tall man with long, white hair stepped onto a cargo elevator. And his amusement turned to astonishment as the man turned; the man could be Zero's twin!

            Deciding that this plot point was far too complicated for this early stage of his mission, Zero ignored it. He quickly gathered his bearings. It looked like he was in a large, underground dock, probably used for cargo submarines. Boxes were neatly stacked everywhere, with narrow pathways that allowed guards to make their rounds. Water dripped from the rock ceiling, and puddled on the cold floor.

            "Ok…it looks like… We have two Sniper Joes, and a Sniper Butch, complete with wrecking ball…" He searched his equipment sack.

            Then he realized that instead of an equipment sack, he'd been supplied with a Hello Kitty backpack.

            Somewhere, Lei was laughing like a madwoman, while Colonel was busy with the secretary again.

            The crimson Hello Kitty fan-by-association slumped his shoulders and sighed. It was going to be a long mission, but it was worth it to avoid Iris in the long run. Luckily, the backpack contained a small tin pencil box, lipstick, eyeliner, and a ribbon for his hair. And a small earpiece; he slipped that into his ear.

            "Ok…let's hope this is some kind of hyper-advanced communications device, designed to let my superiors and allies provide me important mission related data and tips." He turned it on, and was immediately bombarded by the sounds of sex. He switched it off.

            "Great… apparently my superiors are fucking, or now porn mail is audible… " Zero sighed. It looked like it was going to be a long, lonely mission. 

He ducked behind a few boxes, watching his foes in the reflection of a puddle. That one Sniper Joe… he was asleep! Well, this was a pleasant turn of events.

            Zero leapt up, smirking one of his trademark, shit-eating smirks. He ran forward, and straight past the guard.

            And right into a puddle. The splash sent him skidding, the guard waking, and the other guards running. Zero managed to land on his face, in plain sight.

            "Shitshitshit…I'm screwed." As he got up and rubbed his poor nose, Zero realized he had only one option: get out of there before his face was rearranged into delightful, but painful, geometric patterns. As soon as the guard stood up straight, Zero grabbed him by the neck and threw him out into the path between the crates. The perplexed guards took a second to figure out what had just happened; a second too long, as Zero had already made a mad dash for the elevator. It was still gone, so he needed a miracle.

            And one arrived, in the form of the elevator itself falling down the shaft and crashing to the bottom. Zero swore he heard some snickering bunnies somewhere nearby.

            The crimson hunter leapt over the protective fence, and grabbed hold of the elevator's cables. He shimmied up them quickly, making a face as the rope dug into his sensitive parts.

            "Hatehatehatehatehatehatehatehate…" A few more muttered curses, and he was at the top. He swung out from the edge of the precipice, and landed hard on his ass. With a yelp, he hopped up and screamed.

            "SHIT! IT'S COLD! AAGH!" Zero cursed his non-self-warming ass-cheeks. The blizzard whipped about him like the furious winds of Hell, the chill cutting through him to the core. Cold waves lapped the shear cliff faces behind him, giving the scene an almost mythical air; for a postcard. Zero hated it.

            "Mother fucking…" Golden locks fells down his shoulders, and Zero quickly flicked some out of his eyes. "Iris would've been better than this shi-" A sudden, persistent beeping brought his attention around. "What in the…?" Some kind of force compelled him to touch his ear.

            "-ero? Zero, that you?" The Colonel's familiar voice flooded into his ear, providing a very small amount of relief.

            "Oh, done screwing?"

            "Ye-I mean, I have no idea what you're talking about."

            "Reaaaaaaally…"

            "Zero, shut up. Look, we have a little trouble."

            "First, I'm blackmailed into this mission. Then, I'm dropped here in a chocolate bunny, WHICH I almost drown in. After THAT, I barely avoid detection, get rope burn on my thighs, and freeze my ass! What's the trouble NOW?"

            "Right now, the terrorists have announced that they're prepared to-"

            "They're not terrorists."

            "Excuse me?"

            "They're not terrorists. I mean, most terrorists don't have RABBITS for enemies."

            "Actually, there was the incident many ages ago of the attempted theft of the Holy Gra-"

            "Ya know what? Never mind. Just hurry up."

            "FINE! The terrorists say they're prepared to release the virus at anytime, if their demands aren't met. We're sending out a distraction now."

            "What sort of…distraction?"

            The Colonel didn't need to respond, for at that exact second, hundreds of LandChasers, modified for Arctic weather, came tearing over the ice fields. The hovercycles and their pilots were perfectly suited for the cold, even outfitted with emergency flares and skis. They appeared almost majestic as they crested hills and flew across iced over seas in the distance, slowly approaching.

            Zero sighed. "Why'd you need me again?"

            "These are F0-DR class riders, Zero. They aren't prepared for a mission like yours."

            "I'm sure. Look, I'm freezing my ass off here."

            A cold, feminine voice cut in. "As well you should, you little shit head. But the Colonel was feeling generous; he made me prepare a supply carton for you. It's been dropped about 15 feet to the east of your location."

            "…come again?"

            "…it's behind the rock. On your right."

            "Oh. Ok." He ran around said rock, discovering the supplies. In a large, wooden box, emblazoned with a "Hello Kitty" symbol.

            "…I died again and went to Hell, didn't I?"

            Lei snickered. "No. But we can hope you will."

            Zero sighed, cracking open the box. Inside were his clothes; most adorned with more Hello Kitty logos. Deciding to just forget about it, he grabbed the black jumpsuit he'd been provided. And he thanked whomever he could that it was his size, with holes for his hands, feet, and head.

            He pulled it on quickly, teeth chattering like they wanted out of his skull. Luckily, the suit warmed him right up; it was like some sort of advanced spandex, matte black and skintight. Over that, he pulled on his thin red shirt and pants. Zero tried not to cringe as he pulled out a dark red vest with a Hello Kitty head on the right, and slipped it on like a sleeveless jacket, zipping it up quickly.

            The hunter quickly grabbed a pair of thick, maroon pants, slipping them on over his original pair. And over his feet and lower legs went deep red knee-high boots, rubber and slip-resistant. Following the boots, he grabbed a pair of leather gloves, the same color as the boots, and slipped them onto his hands. Finally, a blood red headband went around his forehead, keeping golden hair from his eyes.

            His earpiece beeped.

            "Zero here AGAIN. Why am I dressed in red and black?"

            Lei's snickering answered him. "So you'll be a better target, of course."

            "…Thanks. I'll be sure to BREAK YOUR SKULL OPEN when I get back."

            "Zero, be quiet." The Colonel's confident voice cut in. "The terrorists are responding to our distraction. Get a closer look."

            Zero ran to a mound of snow and crawled to the top, peeking over its ridge at the busy helipad below. Sniper Joes did their rounds protecting the main entrance and walkways, while a few stood on the helipad itself. They flanked a mecha about three times as tall as themselves, which appeared to be worn and ancient. Its faded coloring suggested it had been an eye hurting red at one time, but now it was just a sad pink. Two stubby legs with wide feet supported its hemispherical body, which in turn supported two large arms that were built for heavy labor.

            As the hunter watched, his double walked into view, giving the Joes unheard orders before climbing into the ride armor. He turned the key a few times, before bashing a panel and finally getting a reluctant purr in the engines. The double took control of his new vehicle, and stomped off the helipad. Zero barely caught him saying "Watch the base; I'm off to crush some bloody ants!" in the wind, before the armor was running out of sight towards the LandChasers.

            And then, an extremely familiar voice kicked Zero in the head and made him listen.

            "Wow…he must be crazy to use a Chimera in THIS climate."

            "ALIA?" He stumbled, falling off the snow hill in his surprise and sinking into the frost. "What are you doing on this line?"

            "Zero, this is the Colonel again. Alia'll be aiding you as well on this mission."

            Alia herself cheerfully returned. "I'll be taking care of recording your mission data and tracking your position! It's great to work with you again, Zero!"

            A sigh. "Yeah. Uh huh. Right. Look, just don't start bitching to me whenever I'm really busy, ok? I'd like to live through this mission."

            Her chipper voice broke into his brain again, and stole his stereo. "'kay! Well, right now, you've gotta get in! Check your radar. See those green dots?"

            Zero glanced around. "Erm…what radar?"

            "Colonel here. We never had time to implant the radar in you; you'll just have to make do."

            Suddenly, there were muffled explosions, and in the distance, Zero swore he heard Alia screaming about months of work being wasted, and sweet, sweet revenge. She returned a moment later, amid yelps and moans of pain.

            "Sorry 'bout that! I just had to express some anger by shoving a metal rod up Colonel's ass." The crimson one shuddered. "So, you'll need to break in! Try beating a guard to death or something, 'kay?" The line went dead once more, leaving Zero all alone in a winter wonderland of doom.

            He ran over the snow, and behind a hovertruck, jumping onto the side bumper. In the truck, he heard two sentries getting packages. And one was mentioning something quite interesting…

            "Hey, Joe-26. Have ya heard about that intruder?" The speaker was a sapphire Sniper Joe, created for cold climates. His partner was a standard green Sniper Joe, best suited to interiors.

            "No. What intruder?"

            "Careful with that box. Anyway, yeah, apparently Team C had some trouble with some guy. All we could get from the survivors was that he had a high-powered plasma bazooka, and looked like Boba Fett with a bad paint job."

            Joe-26 laughed to himself, almost dropping the box of soy milk he was carrying. "Oh, c'mon! You're pulling my leg, right?"

            The other Joe shook his head. "Nope. Apparently he took out five guys before he ran off. Lots of head shots. They say he was using some sort of stealth, too."

            "Stealth? With a BAZOOKA? Come on, Joe-92, give it up."

            Joe-92 shrugged. "That's what they say. When we're done unloading this stuff, you can go ask them yourself. Anyway… heave! Ho! Heave! Ho!"

            The two Joes swung the box back and forth between themselves, finally tossing it out of the truck. Joe-26 wiped his helmet.

            "Ok, that's today's shipment. I've got to get back inside; they're fixing the covers on the heating vents today, and I'll need to be extra careful." He hopped out, and waved. "See ya, Joe-92!" And Joe-26 ran off, grabbing his shield and dashing to the main doors. A quick keycode later, and he was in.

            Zero took note of the conversation, and slipped from the bumper. Quickly dashing behind a nearby supply box, he gave the surrounding areas a quick glance. There, on the far wall; an open vent! And no one in-between…

Zero dashed towards the vent, making sure no one came into view. Unfortunately, he missed a camera, and alarms went off. Sentries leapt out of doorways he had sworn were empty, trying to gun him down. 

But Zero was lucky today. Most of the shots went wide, and the ones that would've hit flew overhead as slipped onto his back and slid across the ice, flying feet first into the duct and into the darkness beyond. The guards gave up right there; their partners inside would handle him. THEY had bunny-killing to get back to.

            "AAAAAAAAAHHH! HOT!" Guards turned their heads to the ceiling as something crawled past through the vents, screaming. They assumed a Reploid Target Bunny had gotten loose up there by accident, and ignored it.

            Meanwhile, the hunter was burning his ass off. Of course, he thought to himself. It's an arctic base. They'd HAVE to have the heat up. But this metal was hot as Hell! Did they need the heat on at ninety-degrees?

            He cursed Cain's ass for ever digging him up, Wily for building him, Bob the Janitor for smacking him whenever he left his soda cans out… Even X. For being a piss-head. Yes, life was Hell…

            His earpiece rang. Oh, what NOW?

            "Yes, this is Everyone's BITCH speaking," Zero frantically whispered into thin air. "What can I do for your weak asses now?"

            "Zero! You little bastard, how ARE you?" Oh God, how could it be… "This is Doctor Cain!"

            "Cain? Aren't you… I mean… how could… IT'S BEEN OVER FIFTY YEARS! AREN'T YOU DEAD YET?!"

            "Why, yes! But, like X's creator Light, I had my soul uploaded into a computer. Or something. Well, it looked good when that guy I bought the uploader from sold me it. But I forgot what it does! Damn…"

            "…I hate this place…"

            "Yes, yes, Zero, my last date had a horrendous face. But anyway! What seems to be the trouble?"

            "Trouble? Oh, I just seem to be burning my ass off in some molten hot air vents. No TROUBLE. Look, Cain, either help me, or go away!"

            Cain burst out laughing, slowly ending in a bad cough. "Ahem! Right. Zero, why not just climb out from a vent inside the building?"

            Zero considered this. Then, he realized it was the obvious thing to do, and smacked himself. "Yeah. Er…thanks."

            "Anytime! Say hello to your friends for me; it's been ages since I've had some lively company!" The deceased Doctor signed off, laughing at his own bad joke.

            "Yeah. You say hello to my ass…" Zero sighed, and stopped muttering to himself. Ok, ok. Vent. Right. None behind him. He shifted, and looked down past his feet. None in front of him. God his back itched. Wait…

            Rolling over, Zero found there was a vent under him. He furiously pounded on it with both fists, but only succeeded in causing pain to his hands. In a final fit of rage, he twisted around and stomped on it, snapping the lock and dropping him through it.

            Right into the main hangar.

            Zero barely slapped a hand around a warm steam pipe as he fell, hanging for dear life by one hand. If he fell, the impact would likely knock at least a few of his bits and pieces loose. If someone saw him, they'd make sure his head ended up on a stick. He swung from side to side, managing to grab onto another nearby pipe with his free hand.

            Carefully swinging himself across the pipes, he looked around the room. It appeared to be at least three stories high. On his story, all that existed was a thin catwalk and stairs on the far wall; none of which were near him. The second story was a larger catwalk that ran along the four walls, with three doors to supply rooms on each side. A ladder led lower. And down on the ground floor were two large hangar doors, one in the front and another in the rear. In the middle, a few Chimera ride armors stood at attention, in various degrees of disrepair. The far wall housed a cargo elevator.

            Sniper Joes walked the catwalks of the second floor, and a few more guarded the Chimeras below. As Zero watched, a whistle sounded somewhere in the distance. Guards instantly stretched and yawned, holstering their blasters in their shields and walking towards the nearest exits. It seemed Zero'd arrived just in time for a shift change. And that was his big chance.

            After a few more minutes, he finally swung his way to a catwalk, landing as lightly as possible and clamoring down the stairs. As the off-duty guards left, Zero snuck around the second level, but he found every door locked. Giving up there, he tiptoed to the and grabbed the rungs, starting down.

            Then he lost his grip, slipped off the edge, smacked his chin against every rung, and finally landed flat on his back at the bottom. A few guards noticed just as they were leaving, and towards the sound, obviously seeing Zero. He gulped, knowing he was doomed.

            The guards looked at each other, shrugged, and walked off. Zero was sure he heard at least one mutter something about not being paid enough, and another mumble that he didn't hit girls.

            Not caring anymore, the crimson one ran to the elevator and slapped the Down button. He heard the delightful hum of an elevator coming to his floor, and the ratta-tat-tat of bored Sniper Joes shooting things. Squishy things.

            The elevator arrived, as elevators usually do, with a pleasant ding and a bone chilling muzak score. Zero stepped over the threshold, tapping the B1 button as he turned. The doors closed, the muzak switched to another song (that sounded exactly the same), and he plugged his ears with his fingers.

            With a gentle hum, he was carried down the shaft to the first basement, where the elevator politely told him to get the Hell off before it ate him. Complying, Zero ran out just as the doors closed hard enough to cut an elephant in half. Then the muzak began again, just to spite him.

            He sighed, taking in his surroundings. Our hero stood in a commonplace hallway, with a door at the far end, and a small opening midway down the hall that led to another door. Just before the door at the far end, the sewage hatch for this section was set into the ground. A small light above it glowed red to show it was empty. Above him, an overhead light flickered.

            Zero strode forward, whistling the theme to Happy Days for no apparent reason. Reaching the door at the far end of the hallway, and taking note of the huge "PRISONERS: DO NOT LET FREE" sign stamped on it, he grabbed the handle.

            Then, he got thrown five feet away by an electric shock, and finally noticed the smaller "DOOR HANDLE IS VERY TINGLY" sign just below the first one. Sighing yet again, he thought about his options.

            There was trying the door again, and dying a very painful, yet oddly pleasant death. Or he could try ramming the door down, unless the door too was electrified. Which left only the sewers.

            He pulled the hatch open; an easy task, since no one wanted to bother locking it if it meant being near the fumes for even an extra second, and climbed down into the muck. Luckily for Zero, it had very recently been emptied, and he had a casual crawl through the damp, cramped, smelly tunnel. Finally, he saw light from above, and poked his head up.

            It turned out he'd found a toilet. To the surprise of the cell's occupant, a dirty robot suddenly shoved the commode from its base and forced his way through the hole, collapsing on the cold, hard floor. Thinking the robot dead, the prisoner poked him with a toe.

            "Ow!" Zero rolled over and stood up, rubbing his back. "I'm ever going to get my hair clean… Ok, I'm here to get you out of her-YOU!" Zero was speechless; he could never get away from the past.

            "Why, hello! It's been ages!" Doctor Doppler stood there, in the flesh; if advanced metals and alloys could be called flesh. "I never expected to be rescued by you!"

            "Uh huh. Yeah. Look, can I have some answers here? What're you doing in a Hell hole like this?"

            "I'm the main financer of this project. Selling that Sigma Anti-Virus brought in some good money, you know. Doppler's eyes almost became yen signs.

            "Project?" Zero blinked, confused. "Erm…what project?"

            "Why, Mega Gear, of course." The good Doctor looked almost giddy, puffing out his chest and putting his hands on his hips. "We're on the edge of a breakthrough! The world's most advanced heavy weapons ride armor, able to launch a stealth attack anywhere in the world! We were just about to complete testing here when-"

            Zero slapped his own forehead. "Wait, wait, brain fart. Back up. WHAT is a 'Mega Gear'?"

            Doppler burst out laughing. "You ARE out of the loop, aren't you?" He chuckled a little as he shook his head. "Mega Gear is the Hunters' new little project. We've taken the old 'Goliath' Ride Armor, favored by the infamous Vile, and modified it a great deal. The new Mega Gear, so called for 'Goliath Engine Armored Robot', now stand three stories tall! Its armament include the good old spike fists, a new missile launcher mounted on the left shoulder that can even hold Proto-Missiles like the new Firebird X12, and a very secret weapon equipped to the right forearm. Its top speed may only be a little over thirty kilometers per hour, but at that size, not much can mess it with. That's all I can tell you, though."

            Zero just scratched his head. "Uh huh. Look, why a Goliath? X and I took out Vile's old one pretty easily. And him, too. But, the thing wasn't anything special."

            Doppler laughed like a maniac for just a second. "THAT! That is rich. My boy, Vile was a horrible pilot! In the hands of a pro, this thing can turn you into mincemeat, along with an army. Remember, it's three feet tall, and it's basically nuclear equipped. It's not something you want to tangle with."

            The hunter scratched his head. "Ok, that much I understand. How's the Maverick Virus supposed to be connected to this? We're on an ISLAND."

            The doctor smirked a little. "Well…yes… but I developed some very effective weapons in my day, so I was called in to work on some Acid Spilling missiles. They'll simply empty the acid, and replace it with the Virus; very simple, very deadly. The only problem for them is, the system's been locked down with a very special keycode the terrorists'll never figure out."

            Our hero nodded. "Good enough. Ok, I'm gonna get you out of here, then I'm coming back to blow this thing up, get my equipment back, and kill Iris once and for all. Sorry I can't be more hospitable, but you tried to kill me a few times. Let's go."

            Doppler grabbed his arm. "Wait! You haven't heard anything from your superiors, have you? Another way to unlock the Goliath?"

            Zero shook his head. "No…"

            "You're sure?"

            "Yes, I'm bloody-I mean, yes, I'm sure! God, I'm even talking like that English clone. C'mon, let's GO!"

            The Doctor sighed, and started to follow Zero. Suddenly, he clutched his chest, gasping.

            "ACK! No…can't…be…" He slowly reached out for Zero, a look of sheer terror on his face…and then collapsed to the ground, artificial lungs not moving.

            Zero watched, jaw slack. Slowly, he came around, in disbelief. So many questions suddenly entered his head…but only one word made it out.

            "Fuck."


	3. Bang Bang Money

Legal Crap: Everything Owned By Whoever It's Owned By.  
  
Metal Gear Solid and related material owned by Konami.  
Megaman and related material owned by Capcom.  
Lei owned by Steph.  
Elysia owned by Crow, Darkness Nest Inc.  
Anything else owned by whoever.  
  


Mega Gear Cyri X

Tactical Bishounen Action

By Crow CHAPTER THREE 

Bang Bang Money

            The Colonel sat in a soft, cushy chair, sipping a hot cup of cocoa. He was inside the Base of Operations for Zero's mission; a log cabin a few miles away, with a warm fire and all the comforts of home. His beloved repli-dog Sparky sat at its master's feet, snoring gently. Lei was out, apparently looking for sticks she could beat people (and small animals) with. And Alia sat in the communications room, monitoring calls.

            A soft beeping from his nearby vid-link to Zero's communicator alerted him to its presence. Sighing, Colonel set his mug down and tapped the Respond button. He leaned back in his chair just a little more.

            "OHMYGODAHHHDOPPLERDIEDSOMEBODYANYBODYHELLOANYONETHEREHE'SNOTMOVINGDAMMITHELP!"

            Zero's superior shook his head. "What was that, Zero?"

            Deep breathing was his only response for a moment. "Huh…huh…. Ok… Doctor Doppler was here."

            "'Was', Zero?" Colonel rubbed his chin.

            "Yeah. Apparently he was helping fund and design some 'Mega Gear' project and stuff."

            "Mega what?"

            "Mega Gear. Walking ride armor thing equipped with lotsa things that make other things go boom. Goliath. Big. Need air." Zero took a few moments to breathe, and continued. "Gonna spread virus. Acid missiles. Very nasty."

            The Colonel blinked. "Sounds like it. So, how's Doppler?"

            "Dead."

            A cough. "Excuse me?"

"Dead. Fell flat on his ass, stone cold. Looked like a heart attack. Oh well."

A furious Colonel slammed his fist on the table, causing his cup to almost tip over. "OH WELL? Zero, one of our best leads is dead! What the HELL happened there?"

Zero paused for a moment. "Well… I found him, he told me about this 'Mega Gear' thing, then he fell over and died. That's about it."

"It can't be…"

"What can't be?"

More coughing. "Nothing. Continue your mission, Zero. Make sure you figure out a way to stop this 'Mega Gear' thing. That's an order." Sparky yawned, his master's anger having awakened him. "My dog's hungry. Have fun. Colonel out."

Zero's communicator clicked off, leaving him alone in a cell. With a dead guy. This was NOT the way to start a good mission.

He went over his goals. Destroy Mega Gear. Stop terrorists. Retrieve cheese and milk from nearby convenience store. Only problem at the moment was, he didn't know where to go next.

His communicator beeped.

"Zero here."

"Zero! It's Alia! I have good news!"

"You're finally going to leave me alone, and let me get back to getting killed?"

"No! I've found something good! You know Douglas, right?"

"Mechanic, average build, freaky red shades, green armor? Sounds Irish?"

"Yep! He's there, too! Head down a floor, to the second basement; he might have some helpful info. Wanna save your game first?"

He slapped his forehead. "This isn't a game, Alia! Go away!"

Sniffling came back over the line. "You…you…you're mean! I hope wolves eat you!" Alia hung up, leaving Zero with his thoughts.

"You and me both." He looked around, and went to the door. It was locked, of course, so his only way out was through the sewers. They appeared to have filled, however; looked like someone somewhere had a bit of a "problem". The type that required about eighty flushes, and ten gallons of air freshener. So, until the waters (and other fun stuff) subsided, he was stranded. And the stench didn't help any.

Suddenly, there was an explosion in the halls outside. Zero heard the electrified door get blown in, and the surprised yelps of soldiers who were gunned down on the spot. For a moment, silence reigned, before heavy footsteps came his way. He gulped when they halted just outside his cell's door.

Wishing he had a weapon, and his armor, the hunter flattened himself against the cell's front wall, preparing to ambush the attacker. A few bursts from a machine gun on the reinforced titanium, and the door was kicked in by a large foot. Zero braced himself, knowing he didn't have the tools to stand up to whoever could do that.

The crimson hunter leapt around the corner, ready to fight to the bitter end. But what he saw terrified him beyond belief.

"ZERO-KUN!"

"IRIS!"

Iris herself stood in the doorway, though heavily modified. She now wore a black jumpsuit, with a red chestplate that had gold trim cupping her breasts. Around her hips she sported a standard crotch guard, which was likewise red with a gold "belt", from which hung two red thigh guards. On her lower legs, the standard over-sized leg modules were as red as the rest of her armor, with white knee guards that were capped with sharp points. Her feet were totally red, and built to resemble large, high-heeled shoes. Her forearms were encased in another pair of over-sized armor sheaths, red as well, while her hands were pure white. Ringing her right wrist were sixteen holes, all positioned equally far apart and surrounded by metal circles. On her left arm, a sapphire gemstone had been implanted into the back of the module. Both of her shoulders were orb-shaped, with multiple metal circles. Free from her shoddy beret, her long brown hair hung down to her waist, gathered by a loose red bow.

Zero was scared witless. Iris was why he'd agreed to this mission in the first place; to get away from her! Now, here she was, standing right in front of him and loaded for bear. And he'd killed her and her brother before… Not a good situation.

"Zero-kun, what's wrong? Aren't you happy to see me?" The girl blinked, tilting her head to the side and clasping her hands behind her.

He stumbled back, trying to get his thoughts straight. "Er…yeah! Hi… Iris! Heh… heh…" Oh yeah. He was doomed.

She walked forward, looking him over. "You look different… Hey! Hello Kitty!" The female reploid poked Zero's vest, which still sported the Hello Kitty logo. She giggled, and poked it again. "You're a Hello Kitty fan?"

Zero quickly shook his head. "No! This is just all I had to wear! Erm, look, I'm sorta busy, Iris, so-"

"S'ok! I'm here ta help!" She smiled, holding her hands behind her back again. "So, where're we goin'?"

The Hunter wanted to bash his head into a wall for a few hours. "This is a one man mission thing, Iris. You understand, right?"

The girl blinked. "But, Zero-"

And she was cut off by alarms that suddenly began blaring throughout the floor. Sniper Joes ran into the prison section by the dozen, quickly drawing a bead on the two reploids. The Joes in front knelt and set up their shields, letting the others behind them concentrate on shooting.

Zero was sure this was the end as he ducked behind the wall, when Iris just turned and held her arms out at their attackers. The gem on her left arm sparked and glowed, creating an energy field in front of her. And the circles on her right wrist extended a good foot, revealing that they were metal tubes on a rotating base. Her wrist spun at high speeds, the tubes spitting armor-piercing bullets at the robots.

            Sniper Joes were cut down like lambs to a slaughter, their shields useless in the face of Iris' attack. Those that had the intelligence to run did so, while the others were turned into masses of scrap, oil bursting into flames as bullets lit off sparks. Soon, all that remained of the attack force were dead husks, metallic shells not built to withstand that type of abuse.

            Iris smiled, her weapon and shield retracting. She planted her hands on her hips. "That was fun!"

            Zero slowly poked his head out the doorway, blinking in surprise. Iris' weapons had torn through the seemingly invincible shields like they were paper, while her gem had blocked every shot. And she didn't even seem to need ammo!

            "Er… Iris, how did you-"

            She cut him off again. "We needa get going! Where to?"

            The Hunter quickly got an idea. "I'm not sure, actually. Maybe we should split up, huh? Cover more ground and all. Tell ya what." He had to fight to keep from smirking. "I'll keep looking around in here, and you look around for anything useful outside, ok?"

            Iris nodded vigorously, happy to help her idol. "Okay! Bye bye, Kitty!" She jogged off and ran into the open elevator, leaving Zero tugging at the logo on his vest.

            "Urgh… Ugh! C'mon… Dammit, won't come off!" Zero gave up for the moment, deciding to just get the mission over with, and get out of there. He left the cell, stopping for a second to kick a dead soldier, and walked towards the elevator.

            Suddenly, he heard a raspy, malevolent voice in his head.

            "Good… good… He's very cunning… He'll be useful. Now, jus-damn!" The voice changed tones suddenly, trying to whisper. "Boss, I'm sorry. I hit the Out-Going button; he might've heard."

            There was a silent beat as an unheard voice replied.

            "Right. I understand. I'll do it."

            Zero blinked, wondering what to make of all this. But at that moment, his world was turned upside down.

            Everything was black. Voices from unseen people whispered to each other. Something about "a mistake" and "another way". The voices slowly faded, leaving the world a lifeless black void.

            Then, a huge Hello Kitty head appeared, while twin Barney dolls sung on either side of it. A flashing red and blue background caused massive pain to anyone with eyes, and little winged hearts popped into existence everywhere. And the music got louder and louder…

            Zero woke up screaming, finding himself on his ass by the elevator door. He hugged himself and shivered as the memories of what he'd seen haunted him. The pictures, the singing, the music, the…cuteness! The hunter almost vomited right there.

            He slapped his communicator on. "This is Zero. What the Hell just happened?!"

            Lei answered, contempt evident in her voice. "Apparently, you blacked out."

            "Yeah, but I saw… Ugh! The horror…"

            "Saw what?" She was relishing the delight his pain gave her.

            "Kitty… Barney… Hearts… The singing, the singing, the singing…!"

            "Sounds like you had a run in with Cyber Peacock."

            "What? He's dead."

            "This from a guy who's made a career move out of dying? He's a member of the terrorist actions. Deal with it."

            "But how'd he…?"

            Lei shook her head. This was like dealing with a small child. "He's a hacker, Zero. One of the best. You are an annoying little robot with bad hair and a computer chip for a brain."

            "Hey!" Zero was VERY offended. "I LIKE my hair!"

            "And so would most women. Anyway, leave me alone. You should be able to figure out simple things like that yourself."

            "But-"

            "Lei out." The line went dead.

            Zero shook his head. "Great."

            He trudged towards the elevator, rubbing his temples. Those images… Zero was lucky to still be sane. Actually, he was lucky to be alive, but you took what you could get.

            The doors opened happily, with the air of "Come in, it's warm and cuddly in here". Our hero stepped through them, still a bit groggy.

            The next thing he knew was that he was falling at high speeds towards a floor that was likely rather hard. A hard jolt and a sore nose later, Zero was picking himself up off the ground, muttering curses.

            "What the Hell…?" He looked up, noticing that the elevator had stopped at the top floor. Meanwhile, someone had neglected to inform the elevator doors of this, and they still opened to empty shafts. Zero swore he felt many small eyes staring at him from the shadows, and he hurried to open the doors nearest him.

            With a few hard tugs, the doors slid open. The reploid stepped out into the new floor, looking around. What he saw was a large, open room, with stacks of crates everywhere. It was hard to see as well, due to the dim lighting and the dust that filled the air. Cobwebs stretched between light fixtures, and every corner had its own nest of webs. The scent of old wood flooded the room, making Zero wish he hadn't been built with a nose.

            He took a careful step forward, so as not to alert any sentries that might be stationed here. But as soon as his foot touched the ground, the floor around him lightened, spiders that had laid unseen in the gloom before hurrying away. He let out a breath he didn't even realize he'd been holding, and continued walking.

            The floor seemed to be just one huge room, and that was just what it appeared to be; a rarely used storage center. There were no other ways in or out other than the elevator, and no sentries anywhere. But there were no signs of Douglas either, and Zero was getting tired of looking for a needle in a haystack. After making a few rounds of the room, he flopped against a crate and raised his hand to his communicator.

            He was just about to call Alia for help, when whimpering from the very crate he was leaning on drew his attention. He tapped the wood, listening closely.

            "Mmph! Mmmph!" There was no doubt about it; someone was in the crate. Zero stood up and grabbed a side of crate, yanking as hard as he could.

            It tore off with a loud crack, causing him to lose his balance and land on his back, a heavy piece of wood crushing his chest. He pushed it off, and got to his feet to find out who was in the crate.

            There, in the center of the box, bound and gagged, sat Douglas. He seemed to be trying to scream something at Zero, but the gag muffled his words too much to be understood. His savior strode forward, and tore the gag away.

            Zero tossed the gag over his shoulder, and crossed his arms. "Yes?"

            Douglas coughed and spit, taking a few deep breaths. "Huh…huh… Thanks, Zero… But, we need to talk later. This was a trap!"

            "A trap?"

            "Yes, a tra-" Douglas was suddenly cut off by the sound of the elevator arriving.

            Zero spun towards the doors, completely surprised. He was hoping Douglas was wrong, and Iris had just come back. No, wait. He would prefer a trap over Iris anyday.

            All he could see through the gloom, however, was the darkness of the elevator shaft. Apparently, whoever had just arrived didn't use the elevator either. The doors closed after a moment or two, with no one suddenly leaping out and shooting at him. But for some reason, Zero felt like he was being watched again...

            He barely heard footsteps as someone stepped into sight across the room from him, and loaded a shotgun. The figure was shrouded by the shadows, and completely silent. The fact that no one was saying anything disturbed Zero a little.

            "Urm...hi?" He was furiously trying to think up a way to beat someone with a shotgun, and he needed to buy all the time he could. "Who're you?"

            The figure snapped its fingers, and the lights suddenly flared to full intensity.

            "Gah!" Zero blinked, shielding his eyes. "Warn someone before you blind them!"

            His opponent finished loading the shotgun. "I didn't feel like it."

            "Oh for the love of..." The person's voice had been distinctly female. Zero finally opened his eyes, blinking. "Do you women EVER stop trying to kill me?"

            The woman sighed, and glared at him. She wasn't human or reploid; instead, she was some sort of blue skinned creature, with sharply beautiful features, and almond-shaped jade eyes that could only be from a Japanese heritage. Long, straight, bright blonde hair hung down to her lower back, and formed a large widow's peak on her forehead. She wore a dark brown duster that covered whatever else she wore, and she held her shotgun in one hand, seemingly relaxed and unassuming. But the way her red-nailed finger tips rested lightly on the gun's trigger, and the fact that she seemed confident that he couldn't hurt her, Zero could tell she knew exactly what she was doing.

            He sighed, and tried to fake a smile. "Er... Can I help you?"

            She smirked, showing a fang. "No. I'd prefer to kill you myself."

            The girl walked closer, lightly tapping her weapon. As she neared, Zero realized he had to fight off a smile. It's not every day a six foot tall Irregular Hunter like Zero was threatened by a living woman who was apparently only five foot six.

            Of course, then she raised the shotgun and blew a box just beside his head into little pieces, and Zero quickly became frightened once more.

            "My name is Elysia." The now-named woman flicked some hair over her shoulder. "I'm holding my personal, hand-made shotgun. You're a little robot who got too far out of his place. You're completely unarmed, and you're a large target." Her eyes flicked to Douglas. "If you want to place bets, I think you know the winner."

            Elysia turned by to Zero, and blinked. "Erm... what exactly are you doing?"

            The hunter was trying to pry something from the remains of the box. "Uh... Nothing! Really! What were you saying again?"

            "You're an idiot." She raised her gun quicker than the eye could see, and fired at Zero's stomach.

            Or at least, she fired where his stomach should've been. At the last second, he'd managed to rip the object from the box and spin to the side, dropping to one knee. Quickly raising his new toy, he aimed at the girl.

            "I guess this is an ammo dump." He grinned, glancing at his shiny new gun. "So, put 'em up, babe."

            Elysia just smirked and backflipped out of his range, easily landing on a stack of crates. "Shoot me, dickhead."

            "Okay!" Zero pulled the trigger... and was rewarded with a pleasant "click" from the empty gun. "GAH!"

            The girl grinned, and leapt out of sight behind some more boxes. "You're going to be FUN to kill... I just know it." Her footsteps had become very soft as she ran around the boxes, always out of sight. Zero could hear her smoothly reloading her shotgun, and cringed as she started shooting more boxes around him.

            "Would you stop that?!" He cried, trying to dodge splintered wood. "Why not just shoot me?!"

            She stopped for a second, reloading once again. "That'd be too easy, considering how slow you move. This is much more entertaining." Elysia fired at another box near Zero, causing it to topple from the pile and bash the poor hunter's head.

            Zero yelped in pain, almost dropping the empty pistol he'd found. But his eye caught a small package as he regained his senses...

            Grabbing the package, he rolled behind another stack of crates, just as his assailant started firing at the ground where he was. He tore the package open with his teeth, and grinned as he saw what it contained.

            Elysia perched on a crate far across the room, pulling more ammo from inside her coat. She scanned the area, intent on finding her prey. But he wasn't in plain sight... The hunter was cunning. Or lucky. Either way, this just made the chase more enjoyable.

            Suddenly, she felt a sharp pain in her right shoulder, and toppled backwards off her perch. She landed on one foot, and barely kept her balance.

            Zero smirked, patting his newly-loaded gun. "Ya know, fighting in a place with free guns and ammo isn't a great idea, bitch." He quickly ran from his hiding spot, and behind another stack of wooden containers. "So, how's your shoulder feel? Hard ta shoot with a big ass hole in it, huh?"

            He gulped as a shotgun blast turned the side of his crate to splinters.

            Elysia smiled from her new perch, able to see him just fine. She tossed her shotgun straight up, and caught it easily with her right hand. "You're an even bigger idiot than I thought if you really think we'd keep live ammunition in easy reach. Those are rubber bullets; and they're not going to pierce MY skin."

            He stood up, growling to himself. Fine, he'd just do what he could with them. And Zero ran out into plain sight, quickly drawing a bead on the girl...

            ...who flipped forward a few times, then landed on one foot, leapt straight over Zero's head, and came down behind him, shotgun pressed against the back of his head.

            "Last requests? And I hate 'don't kill me'."

            He sighed, raising his hands. "Beaten by a freakin' acrobat with a shotgun... No one's gonna believe this."

            "Too damn bad. At least you'll have the holes in your head to prove it."

            Suddenly, quite a few things happened almost simultaneously. For once, Zero had a little trouble thinking up a witty retort. At the same time, Douglas closed his eyes so he wouldn't see his friend die. Elysia slowly grinned, fangs gleaming, and started tightening her finger on the trigger.

            And a wall was blown in, followed by a purple, masked reploid dashing into the room and firing his shoulder cannon wildly.

            One blast destroyed a box above Douglas, causing a large amount of wood and ammunition to cover him. Another struck a crate next to Zero and Elysia, causing him to stumble forward, and her to lose her aim for a split second. A third blast took out the elevator doors, causing dozens of pairs of yellow eyes to scurry off into the darkness.

            The fourth blast almost killed Elysia, but ended up only grazing her back. It did have the side effect of causing her hair and jacket to burst into flame, however, which led to her tripping in surprise. She landed on her right arm, which gave a sickening crunch, and rolled wildly. Her efforts were only halfway successful in snuffing out the fires, and in the end she was left with a burnt scalp and charred jacket. The girl took only a second to recognize that she was too badly injured to put up any fight. In an instant, Elysia had ran to the elevators, and was scrambling up the cables as fast as she could climb.

            Zero ignored the fleeing woman, his attention centered on the newcomer. It was someone he'd never forget; only one person had a color scheme that horrible, and a shoulder cannon that strong.

            "Vile! What the fuck are you doing here?"

            Vile slowly turned to look at Zero, the light of the flames that dotted the room dancing off his gleaming armor. His gaze was hidden behind the shaded visor he always wore in his helmet, making it impossible to judge his mood. But he spoke to the hunter, in a slow, deep voice.

            "... I will haunt you until the day you die, Hunter."

            Zero slapped his forehead. "Vile, you're an idiot. You told X that, and he's not here! I'm Zero, remember? Hell, I've been dead. And shouldn't you be dead, too? Why is everyone alive again?"

            The purple armored Maverick was silent for a moment. Then, he removed the visor for the first time in Zero's memory, although his helmet's size and shape still hid his face in shadow. All that could be seen was his mouth as he spoke.

            "... Damn. I can't see shit through this thing." He seemed to stare long and hard at Zero, before placing the visor back on his helmet. "Correct. You are not X, hunter. But you are still an enemy, and I shall destroy you."

            "Wait! Erm, hold on! Why're you even here?" Zero was, as usual, trying to buy time.

            Vile took a moment or so to answer. "... I came here to retrieve a new Goliath. My sources tell me the stolen plans for my previous model had been stolen, and I want them and their offspring back." If anyone could've seen through his visor at that moment, they would've watched Vile grin. "No one gets between a man and his death machine."

            Zero coughed. "Well... I'm here to stop a big Goliath knock off, so... Maybe we're on the same side?"

            The Maverick shrugged. "The Goliath will be mine once more... I'll tolerate you, so long as you stay out of my way. Adieu, hunter." He started to leave, then turned. "And tell X he's a little pansy. Oh, and that I'll haunt him 'til the day he dies, yadda yadda, doom doom doom." With those words, Vile left.

            Our hero finally stood, shaking dust and splinters from his hair. He tried to figure out what had just happened, but decided better of it, and went to check on Douglas instead.

            Douglas was half buried under a pile of guns and bullets, his eyes slightly glazed over. Zero ran over, only to see his friend losing consciousness.

            "Douglas! Hey! Wake up!" A slap brought the mechanic around.

            "Ugh... Zero? It is you..."

            "Yeah. What're you doing here?"

            "They called me in... as... a consultant... for Mega Gear..." Douglas stopped a moment as dry heaves racked his body. "Damn artificial... lungs... Anyway... I helped them build it... But then the terrorists..."

            "Yeah, the terrorists took over, and now they want lots of cash and Dr. Wily's body, or they'll release a really potent form of the Maverick virus. Where'd they get the virus, anyway?"

            The green reploid shook his head. "I don't know... Sorry... I managed to call for some help, though."

            Zero felt his heart leap a little. "Help? Really?"

            "Yes... I called Iris..."

            And Zero's heart exploded. "Iris. Really. Douglas, have I ever told you how much I love you?" His eyes twitched for a second.

            "Well... no..."

            "Good, because I feel like wringing your neck and tearing your limbs off with my bare hands right now." The hunter punched a box, muttering.

            And his bad luck continued, as the box toppled over and slammed down on Douglas' head, smashing the top of his helmet. The mechanic saw bright, shiny, singing stars, before Zero shook his shoulders.

            "Hey! Douglas! You ok?"

            "Zero… Be more careful…"

            "Sorry." Zero blinked as Douglas held out a small gun in a shaky hand.

            "Use… this…" He dropped the gun, and the hunter caught it. "It's… only a lighter… but it might be useful…"

            "A lighter? Does it LOOK like I smoke? Wait, don't answer that; I don't feel like having my breath insulted." He pocketed the lighter and the rubber bullets gun. "And no Tic-Tacs."

            Douglas laughed a little. "Anything… else?"

            "Yeah… I need to destroy this Mega Gear thing. Any ideas how?"

            His friend nodded. "Yes… Sort of. Find the head engineer… he'll know what to do. He's probably… still in the… Development Labs… to the east. You'll need to take a… converted landspeeder… to get there." Douglas bowed his head, tired. "Sorry… I need to rest…"

            Zero just shrugged. "Whatever. I'll be back for you later, I guess. Oh yeah. Erm, don't die, ok? Doppler already did that, and it was creepy." The hunter waved goodbye, and hurried to the elevator. But by then, Douglas was already offline for self-repairs.


End file.
